Sometimes it’s quite difficult to tell whether you are demanding what you deserve or you are simply controlling.
In your mind, your behavior may seem decently normal, but your partner might perceive it otherwise.
If you and your significant other argue all the time and you don’t seem to be willing to compromise, the reason for your fights might be your controlling nature.
1. You’re constantly criticizing your significant other.
While you may think you’re only giving harmless advice on how they can improve their behavior, their lifestyle, or their appearance, your partner may feel as if you are always criticizing them for who they are.
2. You force them to distance themselves from their friends and family.
Maybe you don’t like your partner’s friend group, or you think their relatives are toxic, but intentionally or not, isolating your loved one from the people they care about is never the answer. These are the ones whom your other half turns to in difficult times, so if you cut them off, your beloved person will feel painfully lonely.
3. You’ve threatened to leave them or to harm yourself if they leave you.
By using such extreme ultimatums, you’re destroying the strength of your relationship. A bond that’s built on threats, fear, and conditions can never be healthy.
4. You see your relationship as a competition.
A romantic connection between two people should be teamwork, not a race. If you constantly keep score and rub your successes in your loved one’s face, they would never feel comfortable in your company.
5. You’re guilt-tripping your partner way too often.
Oftentimes you’re making your significant other feel guilty for your own feelings and emotions without even realizing it. Or maybe you do realize it, which is far worse. If you intentionally project your feelings on your partner and blame them for things they never had control over, you need to stop now. Otherwise, you might lose them.
6. You’re jealous without any reason.
You’re spying through your partner’s DMs, you’re always asking them “Who is this?” with a raised voice when their phone rings, and you’re demanding to know every single coworker of theirs just to be sure their eyes are not wandering. Yes, this means you are the controlling one, and your jealousy may put the inevitable end of your relationship.
7. You don’t respect their personal time.
In other words, you are afraid of letting them be on their own even for a day because you’re too insecure about yourself and the stability of your bond. Therefore, you force them into spending every second of their free time with you, so you know where they are and what they do at any time.
How to stop being a controlling partner in 4 easy steps:
1. Find the reason for your controlling behavior.
You might be under a lot of pressure, or you might be suspicious of your partner about something they did. Instead of internalizing all that stress, talk things through.
2. Never forget that little things matter the most.
If you are willing to change, start by making small but significant steps towards improving your attitude.
3. Seek help.
In case you cannot deal with this yourself, don’t be afraid to ask for help.
4. Respect your partner’s decision.
If your loved one decides they are not willing to deal with your toxic nature anymore, be respectful of their wishes. The good thing about such a situation is that you can learn a valuable lesson that will help you be a better person in your next relationship.